Please bless Mommy and Daddy and Danny and Ranger and Granny Boo and Uncle Larry and Auntie Susie and Auntie Gemma and everyone else Mommy says I’m supposed to ask you to bless, but I know you get really busy with people asking for things and making rain and stuff, so if you don’t have time to look after everyone, I don’t mind if you have to skip Danny.
I told Mommy that I didn’t want to get you to bless Danny because he’s mean to me and won’t let me play with his video games and he smells. Mommy got mad and said he doesn’t smell, but he really, really does. A lot. He’s got stinky feet that smell like that party cheese with the squiggly lines that Daddy likes, and he farts all the time. Sometimes, when he has a really big stinky fart, he sits on my head and squishes me under his great big, ugly butt and farts right in my nose, and I get squished and stinked and when I tell Mommy, she just tells him not to and he does it anyway.
Ranger’s kind of smelly too, especially when he gets wet, but he’s a dog so he’s supposed to be a little bit stinky. He’s kind of noisy sometimes like when he sees strangers or when he hears a car or when the ad with the hippo song comes on the TV, and he gets up on the furniture even when he’s not supposed to because he makes the sofa all hairy and Daddy’s allergic and it makes him sneeze and talk all funny, but Ranger’s not mean to me and I love him lots so I still want you to look after him.
Maybe if Danny was an Irish Settler like Ranger, he’d be nice to me too, and instead of chasing me and being mean, he could chase me and play and be nice, and I could feed him my Brussels sprouts when Mommy wasn’t looking, and it would be okay if they make him fart because he already farts a lot, and I could have his big bedroom because he doesn’t need it anymore because he’s a dog, but I could share and let him sleep on the bed and he could keep my feet warm at night.
So God, please turn Danny into an Irish Settler that likes to play and doesn’t have stinky feet and is nice, and then you can bless him all you want.