Mommy was watching the news in the kitchen today and the news lady said there were bad guys robbing lots of houses in our town. I was playing with my action figures on the table so I heard all about it. Mommy let me borrow a wooden spoon and I put that on top of one of my big fat crayons that I don’t use any more because I like to use markers now and I put one of the action figures in the spoony bit and I hit the handle as hard as I could and the guys went flying, and one of them went really far and banged into the cabinet and then Mommy said I had to stop, and that’s when the lady started talking about robbers.
She was talking to another news man who was outside, only they don’t have to use phones because they’re TV people and they can just talk, and he said the bad guys stole from a lot of houses, and that they sneaked in while everyone was asleep, and they stole lots of stuff. Then the outside man talked to a policeman who said he wanted everyone to help catch the bad guys, and if anyone knew anything, they should call, but I thought that was kind of lazy because the police are supposed to catch bad guys for their job, and if someone else does the work, then that’s kind of like cheating, but I guess if they only want help with this one thing, and if that means that the bad guys get caught and go to jail, then I guess that’s okay this time.
If I was a superhero like my action figure guys, I could catch the bad guys all by myself. When I was littler, I used to have a cool super costume with a cape and a mask and everything and I wore it one year for Halloween, but I was a pirate this year and that wouldn’t make a very good superhero suit, unless maybe if I was a pirate with a mask, I could be a sort of a superhero, and I could be Captain Pirate, because lots of superheroes and lots of pirates are captains so that would be alright, and I could sneak up on the bad guys when they thought they were being the sneaky ones and I could say “Hold it right there, bad guys!” and then they would try to fight me but I’d be to quick because I have my special super Captain Pirate moves and I’d trap them all in my skull flag and tie them up and then the police could take them to jail.
Mommy and Daddy said the bad guys aren't going to sneak into our house, but I think that maybe they were just saying that and they don’t really know for sure, so I asked if it was okay if I could wear my pirate costume for jammies and Daddy did that eye rolly thing and made a puffy noise and said okay, as long as I don’t wear the pirate hook in bed, so I hid that under my pillow, because that’s not the same as wearing it and Daddy didn’t say I couldn’t so I’m not being bad.
Thank you for keeping us safe, but if bad guys do come here and I have to be Captain Pirate, could you help me with my moves? Maybe you could put me on the end of a spoon so that I could flip really high and surprise the robbers and then I could wrap them all up before they could do anything? That would be really cool!